weapons of mass distraction

No more parking worries. Here's how.

We're sitting at a pizza place with one car parked on the road.
Sure enough the cops pull up, in their tow truck.

Like a bolt of lightning, the pretty girl jumps to her feet and dashes out.
Jumping over fellow pizza lovers and potted plants with determination, we notice she's got her fingers working furiously on the buttons of her snug-fitting green shirt.

I rise to my feet slowly, thinking "She's Lois Lane! She's Lois Lane! She's gonna emerge in her superwoman uniform and save the day."

sure enough she begins to unbutton her shirt frantically, running at superhuman speeds.

The third button snaps... the fourth ... the fifth. the last one. A primal tug down the middle of the shirt ... and off it goes!

It was like Demi in Striptease. Minus the pole, the music, the chair, and the gravity-defying you-know-whats. But best of all.... minus the dialogues.

And there she was, taking the world chest-on. but there was no bold 'S' she was flashing. Just a svelte 'VS'.

I know you've heard of shooting from the hip, but this was something else. Bam! Bam! Bam! Bam! Bam! Five cops are taken down at their weak knees. (including one female, mind you!)

So did it work?

Well, no parking tickets were issued.

The car stayed put.

And the next morning I quietly sent out an application to volunteer for the tow truck duty.


PS: While I'm waiting for the "big" opportunity, Mariah's words have taken on a whole new meaning:

"When you think all hope is gone,
look inside you and be strong,
And then you'll finally see the truth
Superwoman lies in you."