one night in bang-coke

Traveling on a film shoot, I was determined to explore Bangkok's night life.

"You could get robbed." "You could get cheated."

(Heck what ever happened to "You could get laid.")?

Anyway I steeled myself for it. And headed to Patpong Market.

Down the middle of the narrow streets are fold-and-go shops selling everything from T-shirts to fake Gucci bags, while the streets are lined with topless pool bars, bars promising sex shows, Go-go dance bars - all staffed with extremely pretty girls. Going alone is possibly the dumbest thing to do, but i was determined to walk this rope with no safety nets.

I walked up and down the four of five short streets several times - accosted at every fifth step men emerging from the shadows "sex show?" "no charge for looking" "Massage?" "No charge for looking" "P***y ping pong?" "no charge for looking".

It took me several marches up and down to finally muster the courage to nod my head to one of the men who stealthily guided me to a back alley and up dark stairs.

I was in.

I sat in a corner and ordered a coke. 100 baht said the menu. Not bad i thought.

There they were. Bathed in harsh UV lights and occasionally changing colored strobes, writhing to the music. There they were - the women every cab driver, every tuk-tuk driver, every man bumming on the side walk had been trying to sell to me.

It was obvious that they were bored, as they strutted topless, and undressed further.

I was barely getting used to the lighting when my coke can was brought in a little extra - two ultra petite women.

"Tu Hora?" one asked rather loudly.

It took me a few seconds to realize she meant "two whores?"

I was flattered. I declined politely. I swear I declined. really. No da, really i declined.

They pouted a little and walked away.

A lady on the stage launched a ping pong ball from between her legs, to a slightly older European guy and i think he caught it. Yes from between her legs! why do you think they called it ping-pong, you idiot?

I was barely three sips into my coke when another two women came up to me. They weren't petite. They could be best described as female equivalent of bouncers.

One poked a handwritten bill to me and it said 1400 baht. 100 for the coke. 1000 for the "show". and 300 for, i guess, not kicking my ass for saying "no hora".

I protested and the burly lady yelled

"PAYYYYYYYYYYY".

"PAYYYYYYYYYYY."

Since I'm such a gentleman, I paaaaaaaaaid them 1000 baht. They didn't argue.

As I walked out quickly, i stole one last glance at the bored dancers.

Laughing at myself.

For being such a sucker.

For not enjoying the most talked about tourist attraction in BKK.

For leaving behind the most expensive Coke I ever bought.



PS: In retrospect i realize i was the one who got stripped :-).